Too Big For Your Britches
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a millionaire. No, I wanted to MARRY a millionaire because that was how you did it back then.
I also wanted to sing.
Act.
Be someone I wasn’t. Someone special. Important.
I was told not to get too big for my britches.
Stay with the family. Don’t venture too far away.
Because, if I did, I’d get lost and never find my way home again.
(No wonder I have trust issues!)
It took a long time to decide what I wanted to do. Even then, I changed my mind like I changed my clothes. I just couldn’t decide.
The grass was always greener everywhere but where I was.
Sometimes I think that because I started out on my true career path sort of late…
I was a fake.
Not that I made a career change because I decided to follow my bliss… that was too easy.
But I determined I was an out and out fake because I wanted to be more than what I was.
More that what I was worth.
More than my family and friends ever had.
I was told to stay in my own little corner of the world and be happy.
Others had it worse. There were starving children around the world.
Satisfied was what I should be.
According to Them.
However, that’s not really who I saw myself as.
I busted my you-know-what and raised 3 kids, worked full time and went to college nights so I could get my degree.
It was a BA in English and Philosophy. Since a Liberal Arts degree was the easy one, I went ahead and got a double major.
I mean, why not!?
Then, I wasn’t satisfied so I went back and got another degree.
An MFA in Creative Writing.
I took so many courses and workshops in Creative Writing. I even taught writing to others.
I had bonified street cred, the education, the degrees and especially, the experience both technical, professional and personal.
Then I became a Writing Coach.
Then a Memoir Writing Coach.
Then a Copywriter.
Again, because, why not!?
And, yet, I still felt like a fake when it came to earning money from calling myself a Writer.
Especially when it came to copywriting or helping someone write their memoir. They got paid SOOOOO much money!
I certainly didn’t deserve that. Or, did I?
I wasn’t all that certain either way.
Worse yet, getting on a call with someone who was interested in working with me, a prospective client and then stumbling over pricing and such scared me silly.
Then I got more training. Until I had to stop.
It was time I took stock in what I could do. So, I asked the questions.
Can I conduct a free 5 day Writing Challenge? Build a Sales Page? Manage an Email List?
Of course I can.
Can I write an About Page?
Of course I can.
Can I write an email?
Of course I can.
Write the copy that goes into a website?
Of course I can.
And I’ve done it countless times.
Got paid for it too. Not as much as I wanted, but it was still enough at the time.
However, I no matter what I did or accomplished, I still felt like I’d failed. I didn’t get the adoration, the acknowledgements or the big pay day I saw others getting.
In other words, the sky didn’t open, the clouds didn’t part, and no one, not even my dog Beans noticed.
So, today, I’m baring my soul.
I don’t know how to change feeling like a failure. I don’t know how to get more work or get a job.
I don’t know how to be someone I’m not.
In spite of my inner feelings of insecurity, I know my britches fit.
I want a bigger size now.
It’s time.
Maybe that’s the problem.
I’m stagnant; staying in place when I need to be moving.
But, I slog along, writing and writing, knowing I’m getting better at it; still wondering if I’m good enough.
Maybe it’s just time to lay claim to being good enough.
To being real. Accepting. Yeah…that’s it.
Accepting who I am. Who I’ve become. My reality has changed. Why hasn’t my thinking changed with it? Those old stories. You know, the ones that linger.
“You’re not good enough.”
“Who do you think you are?”
Which brings me to this question gnawing at my brain.
The question we all need to answer is:
What self-imposed limits stop you from growing into your greater, larger, more knowing self…?
How can we reach out, connect and touch someone’s heart and mind.
We need to engage others as we engage ourselves.
That’s it.
Very simple.
Become a more authentic person.
Then you’ll never be too big for your britches.
Stop looking for the rainbow. It already surrounds you.
Just let it be.
As a former mentor told me once,
“When in doubt or stuck in some way, always go back to the basics.”
So, the basics for me are simple — take a look at what I’ve done, how I have impacted others, how my work feels and where it can improve. Then do it. Most importantly, does my idea of where I see myself today line up with where I want to be tomorrow.
If it’s different and still lines up with my true sense of self, and maybe stronger than what it was yesterday, I’ve made my day.